Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On
by makesmyheadspin
Summary: Eric & Sookie are at Merlotte's on Friday night and so is a heartbroken, drunk Bill who is trying to make the best of a bad situation. Based on the Neal McCoy song. Rated M for lemons & excessive potty mouth. EPOV One shot AH/OOC


Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On

The parking lot at Merlotte's is just about as full as it can get, seeing as how there are cars double parked along the roadside in some places. Thankfully I'm good enough friends with Sam that I've been allowed parking privileges by his trailer around back. I suspect that has more to do with the crush he's had on my girlfriend for years, but as long as he keeps his hands to himself he's allowed to look all he wants.

And he does. Sometimes I think he stares harder at Sookie than I do. Can't say I blame him, though. My girl is very fun to look at. When I walk into the crowded bar my eyes immediately seek her out. I find her bent over the pool table to my right, racking balls with her long, golden hair hanging down her back in loose curls. Her tan legs are mostly bare thanks to the short denim skirt she's got on, and if she bent just a little more I'd probably get a peek at a part of her no one but me is supposed to be seeing these days.

Thank fuck Sookie's not the kind of girl who goes commando… well, unless I ask her to, but that's another story for another time.

She's also got on a pair of red shoes that she knows I am particularly fond of. Those fuckers are guaranteed to be pointed skyward by night's end. I can already feel the sting of their heels digging into my ass or thighs while I fuck her. Unf.

Sookie and I have been dating for about eight months, but we've known each other for much, much longer than that—most of our lives, actually. I moved to town when I was eight, and I'm three years older than her. I was in her brother's class and we became fast friends when I got to town. As a result, I got to know Sookie. We kept in touch after I went away to college and spent a lot of time hanging out whenever I'd come home on breaks. I've always thought she's a fun chick to hang out with, and God knows she's the sexiest thing on two legs.

Honestly, I don't know how I managed to go as long as I did without staking some sort of claim on her. Jason didn't take the news so well, at first, but it was nothing a slap upside the head from Gran couldn't cure. The fact that Sook is way over the age of consent probably helps quite a bit. She's twenty-three now to my twenty-six, and we're solid as a rock. I am head over heels, crazy about this girl and I don't give a single fuck who knows it, or what they think about it.

So when I walk toward the bar only to hear Sookie yelp, my head whips around in time to see her slap Bill Compton's arm and yell, "Hands off, Bill!"

If that fucker just molested my girl…

He says something to her I can't make out, and by the way he's wobbling it's obvious he's already drunk. It's not even eight o'clock yet. When he gets too close to her a second time, Sookie shoves him away, sending him stumbling toward a pair of pub tables where Jason, Hoyt, Tray, Alcide and JB are sitting. That's not a group of guys you want to fuck with. Between Jason's temper, Hoyt's protective streak, Tray and Alcide's size and muscle mass and JB's itchy trigger finger, a beat down could very easily be in Bill's future if he doesn't knock it off with whatever he's doing.

"What can I get you, Eric?" Tara asks when I step up to the bar.

"The usual," I tell her, and I know she knows that means Heineken in longneck form. I keep my eyes over at the pool table to make sure I don't need to go over there and remind Bill personally that when my girl says no, she's means back the fuck up off me, fool. If that means getting an up close and personal reminder from my fist, I have no problem with that.

Truthfully, I wouldn't mind clocking that fucker.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not really the violent type. I just happen to know that Bill's always felt some twisted sense of entitlement to Sookie since we were kids just because he lives across the cemetery from her. I don't know where in the fuck he got that crazy ass idea, but that hasn't stopped him from making her feel pretty uncomfortable whenever they cross paths.

Sookie tries to be gracious about it and only put Bill in his place when it's absolutely necessary because she's just that kind of a girl. She's as nice to everyone as possible, and for that reason she has the reputation of being as sweet as a summer peach cobbler. I have yet to determine if that's really a good thing or not. It makes me worry about her when I'm not around, that's for sure. I know Sook can take care of herself. She grew up a tomboy who learned to fight back quickly thanks to some of the rather violent scuffles she got into with her brother, but it's different now… it's not just a black eye, or a punch in the gut I'm worried she's going to suffer, you know?

"What's with Bill?" I finally take my eyes away from the pool table area and look at Tara.

She's got an amused expression on her face that piques my interest. Tara doesn't like Bill much more than I do. "Lorena left him last night, and she took the truck," she smirks.

"No shit," I say, barely able to contain my smile. "She really left him?"

"Hell, I'm surprised it took her this long. I mean, the number of women he parades in here, claiming all of them is his sister," Tara rolls her eyes.

I laugh at that since it's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. The Compton family is one of the oldest in Bon Temps. If there were long lost family members they would have been sniffed out years ago by Caroline Bellefleur, the old hag at the helm of the Bellefleur family, which just happens to have a genetic link to the Comptons. For the sake of accurate genealogical records, Caroline would have already discovered any bastards running amuck. Caroline does _not_ like surprises, or children born out of wedlock, as was proven when she disinherited Portia for having a child with her longtime live-in boyfriend. Nevermind that their relationship is more stable than most marriages, but whatever. Caroline is an old woman stuck in her ways, and I don't see that changing before the crone bites the dust.

"I don't know a single woman alive who would fall for that shit," I tell her and pay for my beer.

"You don't want it on your tab?" she arches an eyebrow.

"Nah, I'm only having one or two. Gotta drive Sook home," I smile, and she pats my hand.

"Good to see someone being responsible. Have fun!" she says, and puts my money in the till. I drop a couple of dollars on the bar top as a tip for her and then head over to the pool table.

Sookie's standing with her back to me, her hip popped out with a pool cue in her hand. Bill's moved on to someone else and looks like he's on the verge of being slapped for it. Not my problem. I lean down and whisper in her ear, "Hello, lover," and kiss her bare shoulder.

"Thank fuck you're here," her head turns and she smiles at me. "You're late, naughty boy. You promised me you'd be here at seven."

"And you punish me by wearing those shoes," I smirk at her.

"Those were supposed to be a reward for a boy who got here on time," she reaches around and pinches my ass.

"I'm sorry I'm late," I lean in and kiss her. "I got stuck in a meeting that couldn't be avoided."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were fooling around with Pam," she teases. She knows that Pam, my executive-assistant, is a lesbian, and therefore not at all interested in anything I have to offer—unless I feel like watching while she and Sookie go at it, and I'll be damned if I'm sharing my girl. That's one thing Sookie and I have in common; we don't share.

"Not a chance, lover," I whisper against her lips and kiss her again.

"Jesus fucking Christ, will you two get a room already?" Alcide punches my shoulder. "Sook, you're turn."

"Fuck you, Herveaux," I grumble, but he probably doesn't hear me as he walks away to go kiss his own girlfriend.

"Oh, and I'm up fifty bucks," Sookie shoots me a sassy wink over her shoulder as she bends over the pool table to line up her shot.

"Quinn?" I ask, and she nods while she shoots.

"You know, it's actually a good thing he's got the memory of a raisin. I've made a lot of money off of him," she smiles as she stands up after sinking the thirteen ball, and moves around to the side to take another shot.

"So then drinks are on you tonight?" I suggest.

"Nope, that money is going in the vacation fund," she says. "Maybe I'll earmark it specifically for a new bikini."

The thought of Sookie in a bikini is enough to give me a half chub right there in the middle of the bar. I feel like I should send Quinn a basket of muffins or something just then. It's not really his faulty memory that's a problem; although I'm sure the number of knocks to the head he's taken in his life haven't helped him any. The guy is always in the bar trying to hustle someone, and the problem with that is that he isn't a very good pool player.

Sookie's no shark, but she's better than him. Because he's got more pride than sense, he always accepts when she steps up to play because he refuses to believe she's better than him. In the past year alone I'm sure Sookie's made a couple of thousand dollars just from playing pool with Quinn. Yet, he keeps trying to beat her.

Oh well, more money in my girl's pocket.

I go over to the tables where Jason, Hoyt, Tray and JB are still sitting and get into conversation with them. There's a little commotion on the other side of the bar when Bill actually does get slapped by a girl.

"Someone should run him home before he gets his ass kicked," Tray shakes his head.

"He's harmless, mostly," I shrug. "As long as he stays away from Sook, I don't have a problem with him."

I watch Bill stumble back to the bar and order another beer. He parks himself on a stool next to Jane Bodehouse, and that's a dangerous place to be. She's been an alcoholic longer than I've been alive. Her glory days, assuming she had any, are long gone but that doesn't stop her from making a move on Bill. In a small town like Bon Temps everyone's life story is up for discussion, analyzing and public ridicule. Jane Bodehouse, being the most notable town drunk, is no exception.

When she offers Bill a cigarette he lights one up, even though he's not a known smoker. I shake my head when he starts a coughing fit from trying to inhale. I've had my share of bad breakups, but damn.

"I feel bad for him," Jessica cuts into conversation when she sits down in Hoyt's lap.

"For who?" JB asks.

"Bill. I mean, yeah, okay, he's kind of a scumbag for the other women he fools around with, but Lorena took everything when she left," Jessica points out.

"I don't feel bad for him at all," Amelia pipes up, and leans down to kiss Tray's cheek. "I'd go all Carrie Underwood on a guy I caught cheating."

I roll my eyes at that, but then a loud groan from the pool table gets my attention. I turn my head to see Sookie doing her victory dance, and I know she's whipped another ass. That's my girl.

"Come dance with me, boyfriend," she says when she gets to where I'm standing, and starts pulling me toward the other end of the bar where the jukebox is.

My wingspan allows me to leave my beer on the table before she can pull me too far away. The two of us dancing is more like Sookie dances while I hold her hips, try not to fuck her and keep other guys in the bar from doing the same. But the way she moves, there's no way I'm ever going to say no.

"Oh my God," Sookie says suddenly after a few minutes.

"What?"

She points toward the bar where Bill is very definitely getting the tongue kissing of his life from Jane Bodehouse, and he's not fighting it one bit. God help me if I ever get that wasted. I don't think there's enough booze in the world for me to make out with Jane Bodehouse willingly.

"I hope someone is taking pictures of this shit," she can't hold back her laugh, and neither can I.

"You know Lorena left him, right?" I tell her.

"Oh I know," she cackles. "Bill was at my house first thing this morning thinking maybe Lorena came by to have coffee with Gran the way she does sometimes."

"Fuck," I mutter.

"The look on his face when he realized Lorena wasn't there was priceless," she says, and turns around so her ass is pressed into my crotch, and rubbing against me in a dangerous way.

I growl in her ear and say, "I hope you're planning on spending the night at my house tonight, because I've missed you all week."

Her hand comes up to rub my cheek and her head turns so she can look me in my eyes and she says, "I had a dirty dream about you last night that's kept me a breath away from dragging you outside to see if it's possible to make it a reality. Yes, I'm spending the night at your house."

"Good," I say, and kiss her passionately.

We stay on the dance floor for a while, sharing beers and dancing together. Since we're sharing beers we won't have too much to drink. Not that drunk sex with Sookie isn't amazing, but I don't want her passing out on me too early because she's had too much to drink. Our friends come and find us on the dance floor, and the girls form a little circle to dance with each other, leaving us guys to stand back and watch them. All of us are thinking the same thoughts, but not one of us says a word.

When Lynyrd Skynyrd's _Free Bird_ starts to play the girls decide to take a break. Sookie returns to my side, and I know she's buzzed because she lays a kiss on me that is normally reserved for when we're alone. I let myself get lost in it for a minute or two, but then the intro to the song comes to an end and the singing begins. Our kiss breaks mutually when the bar is filled with the sound of Bill practically screeching along with the song.

Sookie and I burst out laughing, and turn our heads to watch Bill climb up on a chair with a beer in one hand, and a lighter in the other while he howls the lyrics to _Free Bird_. Sookie clings to me, both of us laughing hysterically at the show Bill's putting on. By now his hair has been ruffled into chaos by Jane Bodehouse's hands. His shirt is unbuttoned awkwardly, and untucked from his pants in some places. There's an obvious red splotch on his neck, and I don't even want to know how it got there.

"Someone needs to take this boy home before I pee my pants," Sookie says between laughs.

"Oh, but you're not wearing pants, lover," I nip at her neck, and that's how she knows I'm also a little buzzed.

We keep laughing while Bill starts to make his way through the crowd, still howling the lyrics. The crowd parts to give him ample room to get through and continue his performance. The highlight of said performance is when he hands over his beer and proceeds to air guitar along to the solo toward the end of the song. I can honestly say I have never laughed so hard in my whole life, and I'm pretty sure Sookie hasn't either.

It wouldn't be so funny if Bill wasn't such a stick in the mud most of the time. He's this uptight accountant guy who rarely cracks a smile and takes himself far too seriously. If he was sober he would _never_ do something like this. Ever.

And thank God for it because he's awful.

The whole thing is hilarious in a tragic sort of way. There is nothing intentionally humorous about any of it, and for a split second I do feel sorry for him. Whether or not he was a fuckface to Lorena isn't really the issue. Obviously the guy is hurting, or he wouldn't be making such an asshole of himself now. I'd like to think that maybe this will help him to learn the lesson to keep his dick out of random stray, but I doubt it. In my experience, guys like Bill never learn that lesson because they don't think the rules apply to them.

When the song ends, the bar erupts in applause and about ten people off to buy Bill a drink. He gets absorbed into the crowd again, and I return my attention to the sexy blonde that's still clinging to me.

"Want to get out of here?" I ask her.

"Sure," she smiles and stretches up to kiss me. "Just let me grab my purse and say goodnight to the girls."

"You got it," I kiss her nose, and slap her ass when she walks off to get her things. I go over to the bar to make sure her tab for the night is paid up, and once that's settled I go back to the door to wait for her.

As she's walking by Bill, his spaghetti arms reach out and grab her, trying to get her to dance with him. Sookie, in her infinite sweetness, indulges him until he tries to motorboat her, and then she cuts him off.

"Sookie, come back! Your tits are perfect for me to cry into!" he shouts and I see the color start to creep up Sookie's neck as she walks toward me.

I can't help but laugh at his commentary, no matter how inappropriate it is. My girl really does have amazing tits. I don't blame Bill one bit for wanting more face time with them. Unfortunately for him, they already have a date for the evening.

"You ready?" I rein it in when Sookie gets close to me.

"Yeah, we better go before I kick his ass," she says, and I push the door of the bar open.

"Don't worry… someone will take him home and get him settled," I tell her. "He'll pay for this tomorrow."

Sookie and I walk out of the bar with her arm looped through mine. The air outside is starting to get swampy, but that's to be expected since it's getting on to the summer months. Over the summer she'll be working at Alcide's moving company in the office. The rest of the year she's a substitute teacher for the parish, and it's actually a more financially reliable gig than she thought it would be. Unfortunately, full-time teaching positions in Renard Parish are hard to come by. We've talked about moving, but we aren't quite ready to try living together yet.

I love her and all, but I'm not going to rush into anything. When the time is right we'll know, and we'll make the necessary adjustments. Things are good, for the most part, but two people as stubborn and opinionated as Sookie and I are means we argue plenty. None of our fights have been too brutal, but we've had a couple that were really unsettling to me if only because the thought of not being able to get past something and make up scares the shit out of me.

"Do you mind if we stop by the house so I can pack a bag? I forgot to do that earlier," Sookie says once we're in my car.

"Yeah, sure. Where's your car?" I ask her.

"At home. Jason came by for dinner so we just drove up here together," she says, and puts her seatbelt on.

"Think Gran's still up waiting for you?" I ask as I start the car.

"No, I told her I probably wasn't coming home tonight," she says as she puts her window down. "She wants you to come by for dinner on Sunday."

"Count me in," I grin broadly. No way in hell am I turning down Sunday dinner at Gran's. Who needs a classically trained chef when you can get Adele Stackhouse's downhome cooking?

I sure as hell don't.

It doesn't take long to get to Sookie's even though it's in the opposite direction of my house so it'll take a little longer to get back. She slides out of the car after giving me a quick kiss on the cheek, and makes her way to the back porch to go inside. The sway of her hips as she moves is mesmerizing.

My cell phone buzzes in my pocket and I shift to the side to see a text from Alcide. The second I open the text I can't contain my laughter. He's sent me a picture of Bill face down in the wrinkled old cleavage of Jane Bodehouse, along with the caption of, "They're doing body shots. I'm never getting wood again."

_Yeah, neither am I. Thanks a lot, fucker._

I'm still laughing when Sookie gets back in the car and drops her bag on the floor.

"What's so funny?" she asks.

I turn my phone and hand it to her. She squints for a second and then her eyes go wide.

"Oh my fucking God!" she thrusts the phone back at me and then cackles. "That should be his Christmas card."

"I think that picture could be used as birth control," I cringe and pocket my phone.

The drive back to my house only takes about ten minutes. I have a small two bedroom place on the other side of town that I've been renting since I moved back. My goal is to ultimately own my own business but that takes a lot of money I don't currently have. Living Bon Temps is… well, Sookie is the best thing about it, but the cost of living is significantly less here than it is in say Shreveport, Monroe or Baton Rouge. It allows me to save a little more money while I work my ass off for someone else. My nest egg gets a little bigger every two weeks, so I can't complain.

Lucky for me, Sookie is a low maintenance kind of girlfriend who is more impressed with a fistful of wildflowers or a handwritten note than she is gifts of jewelry or imported roses. There's plenty of room for her in my house if she ever decides she wants to move out of Gran's to live with me. Like I said, we've talked about it but neither of us is ready. For the time being we're perfectly content with her spending the night at my place when she feels like it. She's got a key and knows she's welcome whenever she wants.

It's actually kind of sexy when she randomly pops in in the middle of the night to surprise me, either because she's horny or because she feels the need for some snuggles. Either way, I'm pretty much guaranteed to get laid by the morning, so I don't mind it one bit. Because we've known each other for as long as we have I'm not worried about her snooping through my things when I'm not around. It's not her style, first of all, and second of all, I probably say more than I should already.

I don't see the point of keeping things from her. All that would do is cause drama, and the last person in the world I want to fight with is Sookie.

"We're cleaning tomorrow," Sookie announces when she walks in and sees the empty beer bottles and pizza boxes that have collected in my house since the last time she was over.

"How about you clean and I'll repay you with breakfast in bed and extra orgasms?" I offer instead. I hate cleaning. There are way better ways I could spend my time.

"Throw in fixing the steps on Gran's porch and we've got a deal," Sookie counter offers.

"Consider it done," I grin, and lock the door behind us.

"So, Eric," Sookie drops her bag on the couch and turns to face me. "Should I take my shoes off?"

There's a devilishly coy smile on her beautiful face and I shake my head. "Don't you dare, lover. I have plans for those shoes."

"I don't think they'll fit you," she teases, and starts to back up toward my bedroom.

"Clever girl," I start walking toward her to close the distance, but then she turns and runs, knowing I enjoy chasing her around my house.

I catch her easily, thanks to my much longer legs, and toss her onto my bed. One of the best things about my relationship with Sookie is how playful we can be sometimes. I can be the biggest dork in the world and she just doesn't care, and she can be the same way. We can spend a weekend just vegged out on my couch having a _Mighty Boosh_ marathon, eating leftover Chinese, and she thinks it's just as funny as I do.

What starts out as playful wrestling around on my bed and making out turns into clothes flying all over the place until I have her naked, and I realize that I didn't take any panties off of her.

"You were going commando?" I stare down at her with obscene amounts of lust in my eyes.

She nods, biting her lip, her hands covering her breasts.

That's it. I can't wait anymore and I pounce on her. Sookie would have laughed if my tongue wasn't shoved down her throat already. My fingers find their niche between her thighs, and she swallows my groan when I find out how wet she is. She clearly wasn't kidding about that dream she had the night before, so it must have been something if it's kept her revved up all day. My fingers slide her through her slick folds with ease, and immediately search out her clit.

Our tongues battle in a familiar way and I feel the first scrape of her shoes against the back of my thighs. It's more arousing than it is painful—there's almost a tickling sensation that comes along with it. My fingers move down and two of them slide into her opening. Sookie breaks the kiss to gasp for air, and her hips start moving to meet the thrust of my fingers.

"That's it, lover, ride my fingers," I nip at her chin and jaw, and then move down her neck to her collarbone for a few seconds before getting to her tits.

Fuck, they're just… they're perfect. Round, perky and tipped with dusky, rosy nipples that get hard as soon as I flick my tongue against them. This girl is perfect for me in so many ways it's fucking scary.

I continue to pump my fingers in and out of her until she's on the edge, and then suddenly replace my fingers with my cock. Why not? She's ready for it, that's for sure, and the way her eyes pop open lets me know I've surprised her. No doubt she was expecting me to go down on her first, and I plan to, but not yet. God, she's so fucking hot and tight…

"Ugh, that feels so good," she moans as I thrust in and out of her slowly, her body writhing in the sexiest way, her fingers teasing her nipples.

"Goddamn, you're beautiful," I lean down to kiss her, and her legs wrap around my waist to pull me deeper inside her.

"Harder, baby…" she pleads. "I'm so close."

I know she is. I feel the fluttering of her pussy, a clear sign she's ready. I reach between us and rub her clit to help her along, and the fluttering becomes clamping and clenching. She cries out with her orgasm and I still for a moment to feel the full effect of it.

"Fuck," I groan, but then pull out of her with the intention of going down on her, but Sookie pushes me onto my back.

She straddles me, holding me down with her small hands while she kisses me, and slowly starts to move her lips down my body. She somehow gets my cock trapped between us and rubs her wet center back and forth up the length of my shaft while she sucks and nibbles on my nipples. She bites a little harder, eliciting a growl from me that makes her smile. Her teeth drag along my abs, and she pauses every now and then to lay open mouth kisses on me before finally kneeling between my legs.

I know she can taste herself on my cock, but that doesn't stop her from licking the length of it a few times while her hands alternately stroke me and fondle my balls. Her eyes meet mine when her tongue darts out to flick over that sensitive spot on the underside where the head meets the shaft, and my own eyes roll back into my head for a few seconds before she takes the whole head in her mouth and sucks while her hand strokes me hard and fast.

"Fuck!" I shout and my hips buck to try and get more of my cock in her mouth.

"Be still, naughty boy," she winks at me, but then takes me in her mouth until I hit the back of her throat.

We dated for two months before we had sex, but in the time since we started seeing each other, Sookie's gotten better about taking more of me in her mouth. It's a slow process, but she's close to being able to take all of me down her throat. It's no easy feat, I'm sure, but she's worked at it because she knows I like it. And because it gets her off.

Her head bobs expertly, and just when I'm about to lose it she backs off with a wicked smile on her face. So it's gonna be like that, huh? I pull her up so we're face to face to kiss her, and then shift her again so she's got a knee on either side of my head. My hands grab her ass while my tongue attacks her clit, and when I playfully slap her backside she moans loudly and her hands hit the wall above the bed.

Her taste is fucking addictive, and I could easily spend a night eating her out and be a happy man. Her hips rock steadily, grinding herself against my face when I fuck her with my tongue. Just like she did to me, when she's close, I back off. In fact, I slide out from under her and quickly got on my knees behind her. Sookie bends forward just a little, presenting herself in offering to me. I grab my cock and rub it up and down her slit a few times, making sure to tease her clit before I slide into her again.

"Fuck!" we shout simultaneously when I get as deep in her as I can without hurting her. I've discovered in some positions I run the risk of bumping her cervix and that's not good times for her.

I grab onto her hips to hold her still while I pound into her from behind. Both of us are so worked up that I know it isn't going to take long for either of us to cum. I slow down a little and Sookie takes it upon herself to push back onto me. I don't mind it one bit. Even though she's been on birth control since she was sixteen, we usually still use condoms just to be on the safe side. While the idea of having a kid with her doesn't send me screaming in the other direction, I know that neither of us is ready for that kind of responsibility or commitment yet, so it just makes sense to have that extra line of defense.

Occasionally we forget, or just forgo the whole thing, but that means I don't usually cum inside her, and I'm damn close to reaching that point. I pull out of Sookie and she turns around, only to be pushed onto her back. She brings her legs up so her knees are to her chest, and I enter her again. I pitch forward a little and brace my weight on my hands on either side of her head. This position allows me to grind against her clit and get a little deeper in her without worrying she's going to be hurting for it.

"Harder, Eric," she whimpers and stretches forward to kiss me.

I kiss her back for as long as I can, but it's a struggle not to cum yet because she's not quite there.

"Sookie, I'm gonna cum," I warn her when I can't hold back anymore, and then pull out of her to finish on her stomach.

She moans and reaches down to rub her clit. She obviously doesn't expect it when I slam into her again, and thrust hard and fast. Her eyes light up and her fingers move faster over her clit until she screams her release. I feel the gush of her orgasm around my cock, and it's a good thing she finishes when she does because I'm starting to get soft. Although the strength of her orgasm is enough to make me think my rebound time will be cut in half.

I lean down to kiss her, and then get off the bed to go grab a damp washcloth to clean her off with. When I come back to bed she's licking her finger, suggesting she started the cleanup process all on her own.

Hello half chub.

"We should shower," she suggests after I get her cleaned up.

"But you're already clean," I smirk at her.

"Then why do I still feel so dirty?" she asks, and reaches over to stroke the half chub she's determined to fully inflate.

"Don't start something you can't finish, Stackhouse," I warn her.

"Oh you'll finish," she promises. "Hopefully in my mouth this time."

Fuck, I love her.

**oOoOoOo**

The next morning I make Sookie breakfast in bed just as I promised I would. We're looking over the morning paper and sharing a cup of coffee when my phone pings. I find it in the pocket of my jeans on the floor, and I'm slightly amazed I didn't step on it at any point overnight. I bring the phone back to bed and it's a video message from Alcide.

"Oh no," Sookie says, and sets the coffee cup down on the night stand on her side of the bed.

"I'm almost sorry we left when we did last night," I tell her as I push play.

"I'm not. You fucked me good," she says, and kisses my neck.

The video loads and it starts with Bill getting a lapdance from Jane Bodehouse, which is just as disgusting as… God, I'm going to have nightmares for months over this. But then the video seems to skip ahead to Bill stumbling through the crowd out in the parking lot, most likely at closing time. He loses his balance and pitches forward between Quinn and JB, knocking into both of them before eating gravel.

Since both Quinn and JB are a couple of hothead when they drink, they both assume the other has bumped into them, and before I know it a fight has broken out. Bill crawls away from the chaos, giggling like a school girl, while Quinn and JB trade punches. The camera gets handed off to whomever is standing next to Alcide while the footage is being shot, and he goes to break up the fight with Tray and Hoyt's help.

The video ends with what sounds like Amelia's voice while she's standing over Bill saying, "Bill, get up. Bill!"

Then the screen goes black.

Sookie and I look at each other with straight faces for all of two seconds before we burst out laughing.

* * *

**Billy's Got His Beer Goggles On by Neal McCoy**

Awww Yah!  
Billy's at the bar, he's been there all night  
First ten beers he's had, since her goodbye  
HEY! HEY!

She left him broke, in his new truck  
He don't smoke, but he lights one up  
Temporary fix, for his heartache  
He's hurting bad, but he's feeling great

He's on the dance floor yelling Freebird  
Singing off pitch but he knows every word  
Grabs him a girl and he holds on tight  
He's chasing everything in sight  
He'll fall apart when he gets home  
But right now his worries are gone  
Life looks good, good, good  
Billy's got his beer goggles on  
Hey!

Lot of drunks, get real mean  
They'll pick a fight, over anything  
Billy wants to laugh, that's why he's here  
You won't see him cry, unless you spill his beer

He's on the dance floor yelling Freebird  
Singing off pitch but he knows every word  
Grabs him another girl and he holds on tight  
Now he's chasing everything in sight  
He'll fall apart when he gets home  
Right now his worries are gone  
Life looks good, good, good  
Billy's got his beer goggles…. on

He's on the dance floor yelling Freebird  
Singing off pitch but he knows every word  
Grabs him another girl he hold on tight  
He don't see ugly  
Through blood shot eyes  
He'll fall apart when he gets home  
But right now his worries are gone  
Cause life looks good, good, good  
So good, good, good,  
Life looks good, good, good  
Billy's got his beer goggles…on

**I'll be posting the video for this song on my fanfic tumblr. Rob Schneider is in it, and I about died when I watched the video this morning. Thanks for reading a story with Bill's name in the title haha!**


End file.
